admin_website So we are in the world and we are here for a set time and whilst here in this temporary world, we are having a human experience. While here – we identify ourselves with the family we are a part of, the community we are from, the ethnic culture we belong to, the relationships we have, the circumstances and situations we are living through but in reality, we are none of these things. We are spiritual beings first and foremost which is having an experience of these things but as soon as our soul leaves our body – all of these identities which we have built up around us will dissolve and what will remain is our real essence – which is a soul, an awareness.
While here in the world naturally we become attached to it and we all have different attachments. For some of us, it may be material wealth that we are attached to, others status and titles, whilst for others, it could be an attachment with relationships.
I want to explore what it means to be attached, how this can be detrimental on an emotional, mental, physical and spiritual level and how to practice having a healthy detachment from the world.
For the purpose of today, I am going to use the example of being attached to relationships. This can be any relationship in the world and we have many relationships that we are experiencing and that we are attached to.
When we have an unhealthy attachment to our relationships – then our inner peace, tranquillity and happiness depend on those people being a being, doing and acting a certain way that keeps us inwardly calm and at peace. However when that person is not being, doing ad acting in that way then it causes us massive stress, anxiety, tension, anger and fear in our bodies. Our mind and body are not in a state of peace and calm. There is an inner war raging within us. These emotions are known as survival or lower emotions and they switch off a certain part of our brain that allows us to think and make informed decisions. So what does that make us do – it makes us very reactive.
We have all been there – someone has done something and let’s say it has made you really angry and you have reacted, you’ve lashed out, said something you shouldn’t have, acted out in a way that wasn’t acceptable – only to, later on, regret your words and actions. There’s no denying that when we have calmed down from the experience whether that was a few minutes later, a few hours or days later – we know that we could have dealt with that situation in a much better way. I am not excusing the behaviour of the person who made you feel angry. It could have been completely valid for you to be angry with them but when you took action from a place of anger – it compromised on your ability to take a better response to the situation.
You see the world is such – you will never have it the way you want it to be. Never. Accept that. Your relationships will never be the way you want them to be and if your inner peace and happiness depend on them then you will be forever played like a puppet. This is what you would call as having an unhealthy attachment and you are on a path of self-destruction by continuously releasing those survival emotions I mentioned earlier.
You see, our heart should always be in a state of bliss and harmony and if it’s not, then we know that we need to detach from the world.
So how can we learn to have a healthy detachment you are wondering. It is not that easy, you’re saying to yourself and Is it even possible?
Ok so here are some strategies that you can try out to find that inner balance again.
First and foremost – you need to see a situation for what it is. No less. No more. So let me use the example here that maybe some of you may be able to relate to. Let’s say your son or daughter are not dressing the way you want them to be. Maybe the jeans are a bit too tight. A bit too high up. Maybe the bangs are showing out of her hijab. Makeup is way too much. See the situation for the way it is. A teenage boy/girl is dressing as a typical teenager. They are expressing their personal identity. They are trying to fit in with their peers. What starts causing us the pain is the inner dialogue, the inner speech going off in our head.
“I can’t believe the way she is dressed. After all the times I have taught her modest dress. What are people going to think? She’s on the wrong track. Oh, I’ve failed her. I am such a bad mother etc This is you bringing your ego, your story, your baggage into it.
It is the meaning you are attaching to this situation that is causing you immense pain – not the external/outer reality. It is your inner thoughts and feelings that are causing you the pain. Be mindful of that.
Also, remind yourself that although you may want the world to function according to your desire and will – this can never happen and you aren’t needy of this to happen. The difference is that when you become needy of something and you don’t get it – it cripples you inwardly and destroys you. In reality, everyone is acting out their god given ‘free will’. That is their right. It doesn’t mean that we excuse someone’s behaviour but we have to acknowledge that people do and will exercise their power of choice and those choices may not be in alignment with your values and beliefs but ultimately everyone is on their own personal spiritual journey. Our inner peace cannot and should not be dependent upon their choices and their expression of their will. If it is then you will never achieve the peace that you so desire.
Remember that these relationships are temporal. They are your worldly relationships. As soon as you leave this body – gone are these attachments.
Finally, change your perspective. As a spiritual being remember that you are having a human experience and that experience has the purpose of pushing you to grow on a spiritual level. So when our external relationships are testing us, it is a litmus test, a measure that we have some inner work that still needs to take place. Often times, we are good at putting up a front that we are not affected by our relationships but inwardly it is bothering us massively, the war is raging within us, we are experiencing an inward reaction even though we are outwardly not reacting. Acknowledge that this is taking place. Find a time within the day – preferably when there will be no disturbances and focus on your body, these emotions that are coming up, acknowledge them without giving them energy. So look at them as if you were an outside observer looking in at what is happening. This is will stop the energetic charge that you are giving the experience. These tests are a good way of checking how much inner work is still needed. It is a continuous learning journey. These experiences aren’t happening to us but they are happening for us to learn the lesson that they are trying to teach you and as you come to learn the lessons and as you begin to function from a higher and higher awareness – you will learn to become more resilient, more calm, more at peace and will be able to function from a healthier place of detachment which will allow you to give the very best of yourself to the world as you are coming from a responsive place of love. This is what the world needs right now. Spiritual growth and love.
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