It Takes A Village

We have all heard that it takes a village to raise a child but I believe that it takes an equally strong village to raise an adult. When we enter into this world, there are people to take care of us and as we transition into old age and begin towards entering the final stages of our life, again we have people, community and family taking care of us. A community organically forms at these stages in which we naturally see as requiring the most dependence from others. As we navigate from childhood into adulthood, we become more and more independent. With adulthood being synonymous to independence we thus go from a state of relying on others for support and care, to learning to do things ourselves; tie our own shoe laces, get on with our studies, get a job, get married, buy a home, have children and simply learn to take care of ourselves. I believe however that during this period of our lives, known as adulthood, we require the most dependence and reliance on those around us. It is in this valley of adulthood that we may experience the divorce of our parents or may go through divorce personally. It is in navigating through adulthood that we may stumble and fall into depression and not know how to overcome the mind fog that consumes us and renders us completely unable to do even the most simplest of chores. It may be in this period that we get caught up in a financial crisis or debt and not know how to salvage what we have worked so tirelessly for. Life in adulthood may even test you with being diagnosed with a terminal illness or disease and almost certainly the heart break and the reality of the death of those nearest and dearest to you. We have an unspoken assumption that as adults, we are simply meant to ‘get on with it’ and be able to swim through the oceans of highs and lows of adulthood effortlessly, with no struggle or pain.

As adults we are taught to project an image that we have it all figured out and as we mature we are programmed and conditioned by society with beliefs such as ‘every man for himself’,  ‘survival of the fittest’, ‘it’s me against the world’, ‘if its gonna be, its up to me’, ‘if you want something done, then you have to do it yourself’. With this type of programming firmly embedded into us, when we get into difficult situations and challenges in life, rather than going for direct help we turn to Google or Siri. The truth is Siri cannot answer your questions on how to bury your parents, overcome the fog of depression or leave an abusive or unhealthy relationship.

The AA or Alcoholics Anonymous is an organisation in which a group of individuals of all backgrounds, faiths, cultures, ages and socio-economic status form with one soul purpose – to help each other overcome alcohol addiction and stay sober. Statistics show that people who went to formal treatment alone only had a 25.9% 3 year abstinence rate but people who went to formal treatment and AA had a 50.9% 3 year abstinence rate and so participation in AA, going to regular meetings, doubled peoples abstinence rates. What is the secret behind their success? It is quite clear that the collective accountability and community that forms around each individual struggling with their addiction is a key factor in supporting them through and out of an unhealthy lifestyle choice. The second key ingredient which adds to the success rate is the first step of acknowledging and admitting there is an issue, that there is a problem and life is becoming unmanageable. This simple but vital step of being able to admit to oneself that, ‘I don’t know, I don’t have the answer, I need support’ takes some courage but is necessary in order to start taking steps towards recovery.

You see, none of us has it all figured out. If we did, our results in life would testify to this yet we see there is room for growth and improvement.

Our Education System gives us feedback on how we are doing academically by the tests and exams we sit and thus the grades we achieve. At a glance, we are able to get an idea of where we do have it figured out and in which areas we may need more help and support in. In adulthood we don’t have grades but we do have different domains of our lives; personal, family, professional, spiritual, health, financial, recreation etc If we are honest with ourselves and grade each of those areas – what would our results show? Would we be scoring highly in all of those areas or would we be seeing some highs and lows. If we are surpassing a certain area, we know we are doing well but if we are seeing lower grades than we expected, then we know it is an opportunity for us to ask for help from someone who has mastered that particular area of their life OR from someone who is just a little further along without feeling insecure. Only when we have a good balance in all the areas of our life can we truly experience a life that is enriching, nourishing and meaningful.

What do the areas of your life score individually?

When we look at all of the worlds most successful people, there is a crystal clear pattern. Every success story in the world, involves other people. There is no autobiography written on the face of the earth where the author is the only character in that story. This whole notion that it is lonely at the top is absolutely not true because it is not lonely at the top as all the worlds successful people move in packs and move in teams. Yet as we become adults we start to do it all on our own. No person knows how to deal with everything but if you can find a team of people, or friends and family and create your village, your tribe, your support network – then that will help you navigate through life in a wholesome and productive way. You can lay down the ‘superhuman’ persona that you have to go it alone and be willing to turn to your network of support and learn from their expertise, their skills, their advice. We all need a village. We need someone that is a good listener. We need someone who will ask us questions that we aren’t willing to ask ourselves so we can find the answers which lie within us. We need someone who will believe in us and cheer us on, on our dreams and visions. We need someone who will hold the tissue box and give us a shoulder to lean us while we cry through our problems. We all need a person who will keep us from throwing ourselves into every project and idea that we think sounds super cool at the time.

Admitting and being honest that you need a village invokes feelings of insecurity and vulnerability yet this is ok. It is ok to say I need people around me and I need a lot of them. Although we may live in communities and cultures where this is no longer organically practised, it is important that we become proactive and create such an environment and acknowledge that we do need to rely on the gifts and talents of others that we do not have. We do need others to celebrate and acknowledge us. We do need others to join us in our life’s journey. We do need a village.

A coach or mentor can give you the encouragement, the support, raise your awareness on what is important and be incremental in your journey of self-development. To start your journey of growth, book an Exploration Call with Sayyida today!